The Misadventures of Patricia Gimlet
by the-spellbound-spirit
Summary: Miss Patricia Gimlet is the chaotic jewellery design teacher of Cackle's Academy. Here are only a few of the sticky situations she finds herself in. OC-Centric.
1. The One With The Day To Day Routine

_**A/N: So this is the Trish Gimlet story I've been promising. I hope it lives up to expectations and that you enjoy reading it. Disclaimer: I am not Jill Murphy and I do not own any of the characters mentioned in The Worst Witch story. I only own Patricia Gimlet and any other OCs that are mentioned.**_

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Patricia Gimlet woke with a yawn as her alarm clock went off. She hit it forcefully and rolled out of her large bed and onto the stone floor of her bedroom, or den. It was hard to tell which it was really. The walls were plastered with posters of musicians and pink fluffy decorations covered every surface. There were empty crisp packets under the bed and a rather scrawny black cat licking itself precariously on the window ledge. The bed, despite its size, was the traditional iron bedstead that was given to most of the teachers and students at the school and had a very plain grey quilt cover.

"Well that's one way to wake yeself up I suppose," she laughed to herself, pushing herself off the floor as she carefully selected her outfit before jumping in the shower.

Her bedroom, one of the larger rooms in the staff corridor, was just opposite the bathroom so it was only a quick run across the ice cold floor until she jumped into the arctic torrent of water that blasted down upon her scorched skin. It was refreshing on such a warm morning. It was June, one of the hottest Junes she had ever experienced at Cackle's.

After she washed her platinum blonde hair and rinsed her body she dried herself with a click of her fingers and wrapped herself in a fluffy white dressing gown, walking back into her bedroom where she pulled on her brilliant blue blazer and a black and white striped dress. She thought she looked amazing, cutting edge if she did say so herself. With a little wink to herself in the mirror after applying a few generous layers of makeup she trotted downstairs and greeted the third years.

Caitlyn Shepherd had grown taller and had had her long red hair cut up to her shoulders. Now that she was in the third year at the school she wanted to look more mature. Her rival Delia, however, had not changed a bit. Her face was just as sharp, her eyes just as narrow and her blonde hair just as long and just as curly.

"Good morning, Trish," Smiled Caitlyn, "Are we going to be making dresses today?"

Patricia shook her head, "It's far too early to be askin' me that, man. I haven't even had me coffee yet," she said as she marched off to the staff room to pour herself a cup of milky coffee.

The staff room was apparently empty but Patricia knew differently. She knew that her friend Davina Bat, the chanting mistress, would be hiding in her cupboard. She tapped on the cupboard door and called out to Davina as she sat down by the door, awaiting a response. She made herself a cup of coffee and listened out for any mumbling from the cupboard. Apparently Davina was still asleep.

She had yet again been having a disagreement with Constance Hardbroom, the formidable potions mistress and unofficial second-in-command to Amelia. It was over a student in the second year who was struggling keeping up with the curriculum. Constance had argued to expel the girl but Davina had pleaded for the girl to stay, causing Constance to explode into a rant of how poor the student was at almost every single subject.

Despite her youth she knew how to run a school properly and Amelia appreciated her help though she wasn't ready to make her deputy status official quite yet. Constance apparently didn't mind, so long as she was in control, at least that's what Davina and Patricia thought.

The stationary cupboard door creaked open revealing a rather sleepy looking Davina with her conductor's baton pierced precariously through a large clumped up curl at the crown of her head.

"Good mornin', flower." Patricia smiled as she poured her friend a cup of nettle tea.

Davina took the tea and plonked herself on the seat closest to Patricia, apparently planning her exit route to the cupboard in case Constance made an appearance.

"Another night in the cupboard then?" Patricia chuckled as she helped herself to a scone that had been put to one side by Amelia, "Ye know it's not a silent protest, ye can come out and chat."

Davina furrowed her eyebrows, "Well she got on my nerves yesterday and I wanted some time alone," she replied as she ripped a small chunk off the corner of the scone, making a satisfied little noise as she tasted the cream and jam filling.

Patricia placed a hand on her friend's shoulder. There was no need for words. Patricia just gave a sympathetic smile and Davina returned it with a little lift of her shoulders just as the staff room door crashed open.

"Well speak of the devil and she may appear," Patricia chuckled, watching Constance as she poured herself a glass of water and sat down opposite them, "How are ye today?"

Constance narrowed her eyes, "Very well thank you, Patricia. I have your second years later. Have you any tips for maintaining control of Wendy Nielson and her cronies?" She looked over at Davina who was obviously having one of her palpitations. Though Davina was in fact the form mistress of the third year class she seemed to have a very close relationship with Patricia's second years.

"If there are any problems though, let me know. I am their form mistress, there's no need to target Davina." Patricia said softly, seeing that Davina was looking to flee into the cupboard.

Constance rolled her eyes as she carried her glass of water out of the staff room, no doubt to go and prepare her timetables in the potions lab.

After breakfast Patricia had a class with the third year students, Davina's year group. Isla Moonshine and Caitlyn Shepherd thoroughly enjoyed Jewellery Design and were trying to bargain with Patricia to allow them to begin working on textiles. Of course Patricia was adamant that Jewellery Design was purely for jewellery design but she was willing to show the girls how to sew and make their own clothes in their spare time.

She stepped into the long classroom, watching as the girls had already set to work forming the hooks of their earrings and carefully placing beads on pale threads.

Like her bedroom, the classroom walls screamed Patricia. There were pictures of different adverts she had found appealing taped to the stone walls and lots of different drawings and designs done by both Patricia and the students that had been carefully displayed in frames.

She stepped up to the desk that had been placed on the podium at the front of the class and began sketching out an idea she had had over breakfast, nothing to do with her lesson but to do with her much younger colleague. She had drawn a cannon with a scragged up bun poking out of the top, hiding it under a file as a student approached the front of the classroom.

"Miss I'm struggling with my colour wheel."

Patricia stepped over to the student's bench and explained the rules of the colour wheel, how whatever colour is on one side, the corresponding colour will be exactly opposite it. Of course the student found this easy to understand and Patricia returned to her doodling, drawing Amelia eating a mountain of cream cakes.

Beating her pencil off the end of the table like a drumstick, she listened to the silence of her class concentrating so hard on their work. Soon the bell for the end of lesson rang and she remained sat waiting for her next class.

Eventually the lunch bell rang and Patricia rushed to the staffroom to see if there had been any mail. There had been and it was from her lovely boyfriend Daniel, who lived up in Eigg in the Inner Hebrides. She read through the letter and scribbled out a response.

 _Hello my little Munchkin,_

 _How are things up in Eigg?_

 _My day has been brilliant so far thank you. I've been teaching the third years, well I say teaching. They're pretty set doing their own thing when it comes to designing their jewellery. I'm just there in case they have any questions._

 _Constance has been winding Davina up again. You remember Davina? I brought her up with me last time I visited. She loved the house. Anyway Constance knows that Davina has a bit of a nervous disposition (big word!) so I think she's picking at that._

 _Anyway, I better go. I only have so long for break._

 _See ya later,_

 _Trish xxx_

She rammed the scrawled note into an envelope and then after writing down the address she placed it in the post out pile on top of the fireplace.

For lunch she and Davina indulged in a little trip out to the village for paninis in the café on the front street. It was a far cry from Cosie's but it was definitely an excellent alternative. It was more modern in design with ivory walls and wood flooring. They sat down at a table after they had ordered their food and began to have a chat. Davina asked about Daniel, Patricia asked about Davina's Mongolian chanting. She was falling a bit out of love with her undertone chanting but at least she had enjoyed it while it lasted. Amelia would appreciate it stopping, she had to replace at least forty roof tiles since Davina had started practicing her foreign chants.

"So when are you going to see Daniel next?" Davina asked after sipping her orange juice. She took a bite out of her cheese and onion panini as Patricia looked up at the ceiling, trying to think.

"Probably over the summer holidays.. Ye welcome to come with es if you have nought to do."

Davina nodded, "I did like meeting Daniel. He really seems very fond of you."

"He should do. I've been with him nearly two year!" Patricia exclaimed, raising her eyebrows in shock. She had been dating Daniel for two years in August. She was looking forward to seeing him again but she knew that she would end up getting boring, especially at her age. She was fifty-two now and nearly past her sell-by-date in the eyes of most men, though Daniel wasn't most men. He seemed to love her regardless of her flaws.

After she and Davina returned to the castle after lunch there were a few more lessons before tea time. The lessons with the first years and the double-lesson with the second years were well received, though the class with the second years was actually their tutor group session so they were writing their letters home.

After the final, longer bell rang out it was time for supper which meant Amelia had a chance to sit down with her staff over a nice plate of food (tonight's meal was a plate of boiled beef and mashed potatoes drowning in a lake of thick, greasy gravy) and a glass of wine, and a glass of water for Constance.

"What are you drinking, Davina?" Queried Amelia, looking at the green bottle beside Davina's dish.

Davina turned the glass to look at the label, "Elderflower cordial."

Constance pursed her lips, "You do realise you need to dilute that, Davina."

Davina narrowed her eyes, "I can drink it how I like, Constance HARDbroom!"

Patricia smirked to herself as she sipped her sherry. This was a perfect opportunity to wind up her gullible friend, "Did you know if ye drink fruit concentrate like that ye can turn into the plant it comes from?"

Davina and Constance looked around at her, both looking confused. Patricia signalled to Constance who nodded and sat down, willing to play along, but Davina remained stood.

"So I could turn into a tree?" Davina asked, "But what about my classes?"

Patricia was fighting back a chuckle, "Well maybe ye should add some water into it. It'll keep ye roots moist."

Davina rushed into her cupboard, squealing something about never touching fruit juice again and Patricia turned to her colleagues, Amelia and Constance, who both looked rather shocked.

"Why?" Amelia asked.

Patricia smiled into her sherry, "I felt like spookin' her. No harm done, I'll tell her in the morning." And as she went up to bed she curled up on the pillow, remembering the horrified expression on her friend's face as she imagined turning into an elder tree.

"Maybe just one more day of winding her up," and with that she rolled over and was absorbed by sleep, snoring loudly into the stone ceiling above her.


	2. The One With The Haircut

It was time for Patricia to get her roots touched up at the hairdresser's. She didn't want to admit it to her colleagues, not even Davina but her hair was completely white under the layer of blonde dye. There wasn't even a need to bleach it.

She walked off the bustling street and into the salon, shaking off the icy blasts of winter as she peeled off her black coat. There were stylists all over the place with blow-driers and rollers clipped to their belts but only one face drew her eye.

"Can you hear the drums Fernando?" Patricia sang softly as she shimmied over to a tall, tanned man with dark hair, "I remember long ago another starry night like this. In the firelight Fernando-"

The man joined in, pulling Patricia into a tight hug as they span on the spot together in front of the reception desk, "-You were humming to yourself and softly strumming your guitar," and they both sang from the very top of their voices, causing the rest of the clients to flinch at the sudden noise, "THERE WAS SOMETHING IN THE AIR THAT NIGHT, THE STARS SO BRIGHT FERNANDO!"

They laughed loudly, bonking their foreheads together affectionately, "Ah Trish, how've you been?"

"I've been canny, flower. Eee," Patricia gasped, grabbing Fernando's long orange arm, "You're lookin' tanned. Been anywhere nice?"

"I thought I was the one who asked about holidays!" Fernando laughed, gesturing for Patricia to sit down in front of the mirror. She sighed as she sat down on the high backed chair, "Just the usual?"

Being Spanish and growing up in Sheffield had given Fernando a peculiar accent. He sounded both exotic and very Northern in exactly the same breath.

Patricia smiled up at him, "Yeah. Touch up the roots and tidy up the rest if you don't mind, petal."

She had let her hair grow ever so slightly longer than usual. It was brushing her shoulders at the moment and she wanted it taking back up to her jawline. Fernando nodded approvingly, turning to one of his many assistants and asking for a specific concoction of dye. The girl, whose hair had been intentionally dyed grey, came back after an unusually long wait and whispered something to Fernando. He pulled a concerned expression and looked at Patricia in the reflection of the mirror.

"Erm, I've got a bit of bad news Trish. The dye I normally use on your hair isn't in stock at the moment so we can either go for a different shade of blonde or," he took a deep breath, "a blue rinse."

Patricia snorted very loudly, "A blue rinse? Are ye jokin'?!"

Fernando shook his head, "Well it is very fashionable at the moment. I could also perm it for you too so it looks quite elegant."

Fighting back another snort, Patricia relaxed in her chair, "Listen, do whatever you wanna do, mate. I reckon I'd suit a blue rinse actually. I'd look like Mrs Slocombe from that show wouldn't I?" She commented, running a hand through her currently light blonde hair, "Yeah, let's go for it."

Fernando lowered himself so his head was only a few centimetres from Patricia's, "Are you sure?"

Patricia nodded, watching as Fernando took the cobalt blue paste and placed it on a tray behind him. He took a cape and wrapped it around Patricia who had taken a magazine and had started reading it. He began to saturate her head with the dye. She looked quite mad sat there with her hair covered in what looked like ground up Smurfs but she was looking forward to seeing the results. No doubt she would look wonderful with her new hair colour. Amelia would go mad but it was quite common for people to get blue rinses these days.

"How's the school going?" Fernando asked as he began to work on the area at the front of Patricia's face, "No more trouble from that new lass?"

"She's not new anymore," Patricia laughed, "Three years, or there abouts, she's been working at the school now. She's canny enough, just a bit closed off. I just wish I could get through that skull of her's. She doesn't want to know about ye unless it's got something to do with the school. It's like she lives, eats and breathes the place."

Fernando smiled as he placed the black brush on the tray behind him, "Well she must really enjoy it to be like that. So is she a bit of a licky arse or...?"

Patricia shook her head, "Oh no. She'll fight against Amelia if she needs to and normally she wins. Amelia doesn't really like the confrontation so backs down if Constance is forceful enough. She doesn't give a toss what anyone else thinks, I reckon. It's admirable but also very annoyin'."

After Fernando was happy that every strand of Patricia's hair had been coated in the blue paste he went away and brewed her a coffee – milk and four sugars.

"Eee, kid. I have you well trained," She laughed as she sipped her coffee. They sat together for a while talking, waiting for the dye to take on her hair, "So how's that bloke of yours?"

Fernando smiled, "Who, George?" He sighed thinking about his celebrity crush, "He wrote a song for me you know."

She slapped his arm with a dismissive expression on her face, "Stop being a pleb, honestly. No I mean ye fella, not George Michael!"

"Oh, Gavin," Fernando said, rolling his dark eyes, "He's alright, we get on really well and he's amazing in bed, but honestly I can't see it lasting."

"Why?"

Fernando sighed deeply, "Well he's got a girlfriend."

Patricia choked on her coffee, "He's what?!"

Fernando nodded, "I know. I was shocked when I heard too. A straight man giving blow-jobs like that is unheard of. Anyway, I thought he was perfect for me and that we was going to have a civil wedding and have a baby together but... no. Is there anything you could do, you know, to split him and his girlfriend up?"

Rolling her eyes, Patricia said, "Magic isn't to be used for selfish or trivial ends. Don't look at me like that with those puppy dog eyes. No, I'm not doin' it."

Fernando tilted his head to one side, as though pleading with Patricia to do something.

"There are very eligible single men out there for ye. Look at me and Daniel."

"But Gavin is perfect!" Fernando cried, sounding very childish, "Please Trish, do something."

Patricia leant into him, "Fine. But you cannot say a word to anyone," she asked him to come closer to him. He leant in, waiting to hear the secret but as Patricia was about to say something she slapped his cheek. He yelped in shock, causing the other clients and staff around him to look up from what they were doing and watch the conversation taking place.

"What was that for?" He shouted, cupping his reddening cheek.

Patricia looked quite angry. She hissed under her breath, "Pull yeself together. You are not a home-wrecker and never will be and I refuse to help you become one."

"Fine." Fernando said shortly, beckoning Patricia over to the sink to rinse out the blue dye. The warm water was soothing on Patricia's scalp and the sensation of the massage Fernando was giving her was very pleasurable. She closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation. After the dye was rinsed out Patricia caught sight of her reflection in the mirror.

"What on Earth?!" She cried, "I look completely mad!"

She was facing herself in the mirror with her tanned skin looking drained out by the mass of dripping wet blue hair on her head.

"It makes your lovely eyes stand out though," Fernando commented as he smoothed Trish's hair with a wide toothed comb, "It'll look different when it's dried, trust me. Do you still want me to perm it for you?"

"NO!" Patricia cried, "Just sort this out for me so I can go home. I'm not paying for this," she added as Fernando began to trim her ends. He nodded.

"Not to worry, and if you get back to me after I've bought your dye I'll colour it for free," Fernando was wary of losing one of his best clients. He needed to keep her sweet as she gave him so much business; fortnightly trims usually and monthly root touch ups, sometimes every other week if her hair was growing particularly quickly.

Fernando was completely wrong about it looking better when it was dried. If Patricia didn't know any better she would have thought Dame Edna Everage was looking back at her through the mirror. She put her head in her hands, feeling her waved hair falling around her face, "What have you done? I look like a man in drag!"

"It could be worse."

"How could this possibly be worse?" Asked Patricia as she rose from the chair and taking off the cloak, nearly flinging it at Fernando, "I'm going to have to go out in public looking like I'm the love child of Julie Goodyear and Papa Smurf!"

Fernando stifled a laugh, "Like I said, freebie next time. Scout's honour," he held up three fingers in a salute.

"Fuck off, you weren't in the Scouts. And it best bloody be a freebie, mate," Patricia spat, "Making me look like a demented punk rocker." She scowled as she left the salon, making her way back to the castle and a hoard of laughing students. When she walked into the staff room Davina couldn't control her laughter and Amelia was trying to remain sincere.

"It's not that bad, Patricia," said the headmistress, "It's different but it's quite edgy and that's what you're all about isn't it?"

Patricia felt like she was going to cry. All she wanted was for a hole to appear beneath her chair. Davina snorted as she looked up at her again.

The staff room door crashed open and Constance was standing in the door way. She took one look at Patricia and turned around and went back to the potions classroom.

"She'll be hardest to impress with your new look," Smiled Davina as she steadied herself, still chuckling at the sight of her friend.

Patricia sighed, "It won't be like this for much longer. If I have to I'll shave it off."

Amelia widened her eyes, trying to appear sympathetic, "Not to worry, Trish. I'm sure Fernando will be able to fix this for you soon enough. You never know, you might end up liking it."

Patricia found that highly unlikely as when she went to bed that night she found herself looking at her reflection realising just how old she looked. The blue rinse made her look even more tired and elderly. She was only fifty-three, barely old, but her years of applying heavy eye makeup and hours upon hours spent baking in the sun had taken it's toll on her skin and it had damaged it quite severely particularly around the eyes, though the wrinkles there may have been caused by the amount of laughing she did when she and Davina would hang out and go out drinking together.

She ran a hand through her blue hair again then tied it back with a bobble and climbed into bed. She wondered what Daniel would say when he saw her hair for the first time. Maybe he would break up with her? No, he would never do that, Patricia told herself as she rolled over, looking at Julio who was kneading the pillow beside her, purring like a car engine.

Maybe Amelia was right. There was every chance that she may grow to like her hair but right now she hated it and wanted nothing more than to hide in bed and never have to show her face ever again.

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 ** _OTP Prompts: Imagine your OTP dyeing each other's hair in crazy colours (I know it's not quite OTP but it's inspired by that prompt.)_**

 ** _And also thanks to DreamsInLilac for a little inspiration (it's blatant!) Fernando (the song) is written by ABBA. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed so far :)_**


	3. The One With Davina

"Trish, give me a hand with this!" Came a voice from the doorway to her left.

It was a Saturday morning in November. Patricia had just woken up and had a shower, her blue-ish hair barely tied back into a ponytail in the middle of her head. It was Davina who had been calling for her. She was changing her bedding and today she was having a dilemma. She was stood on the mattress having a fight with her duvet.

"What is it?" Patricia asked as she watched her friend fighting to take off the quilt cover.

Davina fell off the bed, swiftly caught by Patricia as she said, "I don't know which bed-set to go for. I have a really nice one over there," she gestured at a duck egg blue quilt cover that had been thrown haphazardly over the dressing table, "Or that one there," she pointed at a bedspread that was still in the packaging, freshly bought last weekend after she had received her paycheque.

Patricia picked up the new, unopened bedding and frowned at Davina, "Howay, ducks?"

Davina smiled, "Well Lawrence and I are getting a bit lonely."

Smirking at her friend, Patricia walked over to the wardrobe and opened the door. A torrent of rubber ducks sailed off the shelves in a tidal wave of brilliant yellow and fell onto the floor, squeaking as they made contact with the ice cold flagstone. Patricia turned her head to Davina and said, "And Lawrence is lonely ye say?"

Davina bit her lip, "Oh those! They're place holders... for clothes that I haven't bought yet."

Patricia raised a dark eyebrow as Davina looked over at Lawrence who was sat on top of the vivarium she kept her pet snake, Medusa, in. Mittens, her cat, was also sat peering into the glass tank, her tail shivering as the snake slithered around the many logs and stones that had been put in as decorations and hiding places for the insects that she would eat.

Patricia shuddered at the sight of the creature and returned her attention to the bedding, "Just go for the blue one," she said, "The ducks are a bit overkill if you ask me."

Davina nodded as Patricia left the room. They met some time later in the Great Hall, both were on lunch duty.

"So which did ye go for in the end?" Patricia asked as she served a sizeable portion of stew to a fourth year student.

Davina smiled to herself as she took a sip of her water, "Which do you think?"

Patricia looked down at her friend, "You went for those bloody ducks, didn't ye?"

Her friend gave her a look as if to say, "Well why wouldn't I?" as she walked off to the staff room to have her own lunch, leaving Patricia alone to look after the students.

After the girls finished their lunch she made her way to the staff room to have a coronation chicken sandwich she had bought herself the other day and had left in the fridge. Davina was in the staff room talking to Amelia about wimples when Patricia walked in carrying a sandwich.

"... I've always wondered how nuns style their hair under their wimples," She said as Patricia sat down and began eating her sandwich, "I mean what if they have a lot of hair. Maybe they have short hair."

"Or maybe they have super duper long hair," Patricia commented through a mouthful of food, "My great auntie is a nun, she works at a catholic school up in Gateshead."

Davina looked wide eyed at her friend, "Really? I never knew that!"

Patricia nodded and continued, "She has hair like our Constance - lovely and long - but it's naturally blonde so it's quite fine. She's got Swedish blood ye see, on her dad's side."

Amelia smiled, "I can't believe a member of your family is a nun, Trish. Honestly I never thought I'd see the day. Then again, _you_ may as well be a nun the way you're staying away from men until you see Daniel later this month."

Patricia smiled as she thought of her boyfriend. With other men she had been with she often found her eye wandering when they were separated for a long period of time. She had been with the DJ for their Christmas party some years before. They had met in a bar in Nottingham and after a few too many pints of snakebite they had been found by the bouncer in a toilet cubicle. Of course this was long before Daniel came onto the scene and before Patricia had even started at Cackle's, but the only person who actually knew this story was in fact Davina. She had kept DJ Icy Stevens' telephone number just in case, but she had never found a use for it apart from hiring him for the Christmas party when Constance had just started working at the school.

After lunch Patricia and Davina were sat in the playground near the broom shed watching as the girls played. Some were playing football, others were enjoying a nice relaxing chill out, though it was bitterly cold outside so most of the girls were gathered in one corner trying to keep warm.

"Here, what am I?" Patricia asked as she pulled her hood over her head and grabbed her broomstick. She swung it around in the air like a sword, making whooshing noises as Davina laughed.

"I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan!" Davina boomed in a deep, gasping voice as she grabbed her own broomstick and began fencing with Patricia with the handle. Both witches were fighting to kill with their lightsabers as they created sound effects, Davina chanting the music from the film just as Constance Hardbroom stepped out into the courtyard.

"What on Earth is this infernal cacophany?" She shouted just as Patricia whacked Davina's broomstick with great force, snapping the handle of her own broomstick in two. Patricia and Davina straightened up, both looking rather sheepish like young school girls under the beady eye of Constance who looked entirely unimpressed. The students around them were laughing as Patricia looked at her broom handle.

"Look what you've done to your broomstick, Miss Gimlet." Constance sighed.

Patricia looked at the splintered ends of her broomstick, realising that it was repairable as part of the handle was still somehow hanging on, "Well it's not broken," she said, "Just slightly falling apart."

Constance rolled her eyes as she took both broomsticks from the irresponsible teachers and marched back into the school to no doubt report the behaviour to the headmistress.

"She needs to get a life, that girl," Patricia commented as she slumped into a bench beside the broom shed, "That's us gettin' hauled into the office and told off."

Davina smiled, "Here, why don't we go out for a walk to the village? We could go to Cosie's or the pub."

Patricia smiled as she leapt up from her seat, "Now that sounds like a good plan to me."

After they told Amelia where they were going they walked arm in arm to the village where they went to Cosie's for their second lunch. Gloria Cosie offered them cream cakes and they obliged, stuffing their faces with cream slices and cheesecake. There wasn't much talking as they scoffed down the delectable selection of desserts, drinking their milkshakes as they finished their mountain-high plates.

"That was scrummy," Davina sighed as she took a sip of her peanut butter milkshake, "Absolutely divine."

Patricia burped into her hand as she too took a sip of her mint milkshake, "Amazing. How do ye do it, Gloria?"

Gloria Cosie walked over and took their plates, smiling at the two teachers as she walked off to clean the plates.

After they paid the bill they didn't know what to do next so decided to walk around the village to burn off the cream cakes. They were talking about nothing in particular, just random things like books and work and Patricia's love life.

"Constance let me borrow her _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ book the other day," Davina said as they strolled past an empty bench.

"Oh aye. I've never read it but I have watched the film. Is it good?" She asked as they began to walk into the forest towards the school.

Davina nodded, though her words were inaudible to the students sat in the trees above them. There were three students sat on a thick branch, each with shoe polish smeared across their cheeks and scarves around their heads. One had a bamboo pipe in her hand and a selection of sharp darts on her knee.

One of the girls nodded to the girl with the pipe who took the signal...

"...Anyway that's what happened in the book. It's a bit different to the film but it's still wonderful, more so in my opinion."

Patricia raised her eyebrows, "I may have to borrow that once you're done with it if that's- AH YE BASTARD! FUCKIN' PIECE OF BASTARD SHITTIN' BALLS! Oh man!" She screeched as she felt a stabbing pain on the left side of her backside. She fell flat on the ground in pain, grasping at her bottom, trying to pull out whatever had pierced her skin. There was the sound of laughter from the trees above them as the first year students swung down and rushed back into the school, howling at Patricia who was still lying flat on the floor, swearing under her breath.

Davina was holding back her laughter as she removed the dart from Patricia's bottom. The jewellery design teacher remained still on the forest floor as Davina erupted with laughter, still holding the dart that had stabbed her friend. Once she had calmed down a bit she helped Patricia up, who was massaging her bottom as they walked into the school together. Patricia limped into the playground and stared at the three first year girls.

"Don't you lot think I'm not tellin' H.B." She said ominously as Davina held back another wave of hysterical laughter, assisting her friend into the school, sitting her down in the staff room.

"What on Earth happened to you?" Amelia asked at the sight of the usually pristine Patricia covered in dirt.

"Those first years stabbed me in the arse, that's what happened." Patricia said painfully as she tried to position herself comfortably on the wooden chair.

Amelia and Davina shared a look, as though looking for permission to laugh at the situation.

"Well it's a good target," Davina giggled, "It's hard to miss something that wide."

Patricia's eyes widened as she smacked Davina's arm before returning to massaging her tender backside, wincing at the feeling of her fingers against the material of her skirt.

* * *

 ** _OTP Prompts: Imagine your OTP arguing over which bedspread to pick (Bonus if they choose one with ducks.) Courtesy of Dorothy-Zbornak on Tumblr._**

 ** _Character Development For Writers Prompt – Is anyone in your character's family a member of an organized religion?_**

 ** _"Not broken," they insisted, "Just slightly falling apart." (AllWriteWithYou Prompt)._**

 ** _OTP Prompts – Imagine your OTP going to Banterbury for the day. Person A gets stabbed in the arse outside Poundland while Person B has a giggle all in good banter (thank you DreamsInLilac, though it wasn't outside a Poundland.)_**


	4. The One With Daniel

It was another blustery day at Cackle's Academy. The postman had just walked up the path as Patricia went rushing out to greet him. Her now pale blue hair was being blown out of its usual coiffed style and was actually looking quite haphazard.

"Is there owt there for me?" She asked, looking almost like an expectant child waiting for a gift from her parents.

The postman smiled and nodded at her as she whipped the pristine white envelope out of his hand and ripped out the letter, seeing His perfect handwriting on the lined page.

 _Dearest Patricia,_

 _How is life at Cackle's?_

 _I miss you so much and cannot wait for the next time I can caress your beautiful rosy cheek once again. Not a day goes by that I don't think of your smile and the touch of your hand against mine. I hope you feel the same. This distance pains me so much and it is during this agonising time that I have come to realise just how much I love you._

 _Please come to Eigg when you have enough time. I want to see you again._

 _All my love,_

 _Daniel xxx_

Patricia giggled girlishly as she raced up to her room, barging past Davina who span on the spot as the multicoloured whirlwind flew past, and packed a suitcase. Julio, her cat, was brushing around her legs as she packed her things.

"You can stay here, Jules." She said matter-of-factly to the cat, "I'm sure Davina'll look after ye."

She whipped out of the room again, past Davina who still looked quite dazed as another multicoloured whilrwind barged past her again.

"What on Earth is happening, Trish?" Davina asked as she saw the suitcase in her friend's hand, "Where are you going?"

Patricia smiled, "Well Daniel sent es a letter," she waved the letter that was still gripped tightly in her hand, "I need to see him."

Davina beamed at her friend, "I won't stand in your way then!"

Patricia rushed back to Davina and hugged her before running downstairs to the courtyard. She collected her broomstick, placed her suitcase over the brush-end and took off, flying over the grey sky and to the Inner Hebrides.

Davina, however, was cornered when she returned to the staff room.

"You let her leave during a school week with no notice whatsoever?" Constance snapped, her eyes wild, "Do you realise we have no substitute, no means to cover her classes?"

Amelia pursed her lips gently, "That's nothing for you to worry about Constance, but Davina you should have had Patricia consult me about this."

Davina hunched her shoulders, tempted to scurry off into the cupboard where she knew she would be free from the beady eye of Constance Hardbroom.

Patricia was on top of the world as she sailed over a patchwork quilt of countryside and by half past three she had landed in the garden of a small bungalow. It had a stone structure with a dark slate roof and wild bushes of lavender beneath the windows. There was a candle in the living room window that was nearly completely burned out.

She tapped on the white plastic door and waited. It creaked open and just at the spot where the letter box had been were a pair of beautiful hazel eyes.

"Danny!" She cried, placing her broomstick to the side of the door and kneeling down to look at her love who was completely blown away.

"What... What are you doing here?" He asked in between fuchsia pink kisses.

Patricia ran a hand through his short brown hair and smiled, "I missed ye and I got ye letter and I just wanted to see ye. I know Amelia will be pretty pissed off with es but honestly you mean more to me than that place ever could."

Daniel placed a small hand on Patricia's cheek, "I've missed you. I'm so glad you're here. Come in... or carry me in." He laughed as Patricia carried him over the threshold of the bungalow and into the cosy sitting room that she was so familiar with.

It was painted with terracotta paint and the wood furnishings were made from a deep dark mahogany. The dark leather sofa had Aztec patterned scatter cushions that Patricia had adored from the moment she had set eyes on them.

They sat down together on the sofa, Daniel climbing from Patricia's lap as he looked at her, "How did you get more beautiful?"

Patricia may have been blushing, it was hard to tell due to the thick layer of makeup she was wearing. She stroked Daniel's cheek and smiled, "Listen I'll probably get murdered so we'll have tonight and I'll have to go back to work. As long as Davina doesn't grass es up that is."

Daniel was all too familiar with the stories of the formidable newish recruit at Cackle's, Constance Hardbroom, who sounded far more strict than her predecessor. Patricia had told him stories about the woman. He would probably never meet her in person but he could imagine her clearly in his mind's eye; hard faced, sharp, granite-like and not afraid to speak her mind. It was hard to believe that she had started at Cackle's almost three years before and they had been together for the same length of time.

"So what are we going to do with this evening we have together?" Daniel asked, "As I have an idea."

Patricia's lips curled into a smile as she raised an eyebrow suggestively, "Oh aye?" She cupped his chin in her long, talon-like hand and kissed his lips again, his stubble tickling her top lip. She ran a hand through her own hair and then said, "As long as I'm with you, Baby, that's all that matters."

"Well then. How about we go camping for the night?" Suggested Daniel, "Oh come on, don't look at me like that," he added seeing Patricia look quite disappointed, "You loved it last time."

"Well yeah but that was because it was summer. It's early spring now. No way am I stayin' out in the freezin' cold."

"You'll have the world's best hot water bottle," Daniel smiled as he pressed a kiss to Patricia's cheek, "Come on. Can I not twist your arm?"

Patricia rolled her eyes, "Fine. But if me boobs get frost bite I'm blamin' you."

Daniel smirked as he climbed from Patricia's knee and walked to the cupboard where he kept his camping gear.

"I've got one big sleeping bag and a pillow. Do you think that will be enough?" He asked as he threw a small black bag on the floor.

"The sleeping bag's in that?" Patricia asked sounding almost shocked.

Daniel nodded, "Of course it is. Where else would it be?"

Patricia bit her lip as she picked up the small black bag, wondering how on Earth they were going to manage to get the sleeping bag folded up so tightly in the morning.

X

They were laying in the sleeping bag together, Patricia had her neck buried into Daniel's shoulder as the looked up at the dark canvas above them, dotted with twinkling diamonds. Daniel was attempting to name the constellations and was failing miserably.

"That one's Orion's Belt," he said quietly, "Or is that the Big Dipper?"

Patricia laughed to herself, "That is an aeroplane," she pointed at a flashing light that had been seated beneath two stars making it appear to be the famous constellation.

"Oops," Daniel smiled at his love as he curled up beside her, "Are you warm enough?" He asked as he kissed her bare shoulder. She nodded, kissing the top of his head, still looking up at the sky.

A flash of brilliant silver shot across the sky and Patricia's eyes followed it, "Oh look! A shooting star!" She cried, pointing it out to Daniel who chuckled.

"Make a wish, but don't tell me what it is or it won't come true." Daniel instructed as he gazed up at the bare face that was so beautiful without the thick layer of makeup that was always plastered over it.

Patricia closed her eyes and wished, remembering the sight of the shooting star as she wished for the one thing that truly mattered to her, visualising her heart's strongest and truest desire.

When she opened her eyes again, Daniel looked at her expectantly, "Well?"

Patricia raised a fine eyebrow as she held Daniel's hands in her own, "Well what?"

"What did you wish for?"

Chuckling, Patricia threw her head back revealing her long neck, "I'm not telling ye. It won't come true otherwise."

Daniel kissed her shoulder gently, whispering into her ear, "I'll get it out of you eventually, you know."

She was only too aware of that fact, though she would never tell him the thing she truly wished for. Daniel pressed soft kisses to her bare skin and soon they found their way to her lips. Patricia responded to his kisses as passionately as they were given, completely absorbed by the man she had fallen in love with. As he held her she smiled, knowing that she hadn't wasted her wish for Daniel to truly love her.

* * *

 ** _A/N: And that's it for The Misadventures of Patricia Gimlet. I hope you enjoyed it. A big thank you to everyone who has read the story/left a review. Next week we are back with Constance in the next edition in the A Time story._**


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